Ethical Wills:
Don’t Leave this World Without One
A legal will distributes your worldly possessions after death. A living will tells what extraordinary medical measures you do- or do not- want performed when approaching death. Now comes the ethical will—a way to pass on your values, beliefs, blessings and advice to family, future generations and community.
Primarily a Jewish tradition, ethical wills can be traced back to biblical times. In Genesis, we read how Jacob summons his twelve sons to his deathbed to describe the family's heritage. Initially, ethical wills were transmitted orally, but over time they have evolved into written documents that provide a link between past and future generations.
It often takes a life threatening illness to inspire people to sit down and sum up a lifetime of values and beliefs. Others choose to start their ethical will during times of major transition: marriage, divorce, birth of a child or death of a parent.
Barry Baines, family physician and Associate Medical Director of Hospice of the Twin Cities wrote a book called Ethical Wills- Putting Your Values On Paper. Baines explains that communicating the meaning of our lives is not only good for our loved ones, it is a gift we give ourselves. The process of facing our own mortality, reflecting on the past and recording what we stood for provides a therapeutic opportunity for closure. In his book, Baines explains how to write an ethical will, suggests themes and provides case examples. He primes our creative pump by offering these reflection questions:
What I value most in life is …
A time I had to stand up for my values was…
An important event in my life was…
The author provides themes to contemplate and possibly incorporate in our ethical will.
Respect for life
Learning from mistakes
Giving and receiving love
Being honest, truthful and sincere
Good vs. evil
Importance of spirituality, faith, humor
Social justice
Baines states that an ethical will can be formatted into three sections: past, present and future.
1. Past: Include lessons learned, regrets and meaningful personal or family stories.
2. Present: Describe your values, beliefs, and expressions of love, gratitude and forgiveness.
3. Future: Bestow your blessings, dreams and hopes for the present and future generations.
Ethical wills can provide a safe, lasting way to convey love, truths or regrets that might be difficult to express. An ethical will doesn't have to be lengthy: a few well-stated paragraphs may be all you need. Avoid using an ethical will to reach out from the grave and scold people. Simply ask yourself, "Generations from now, what do I want family members to know and remember about me?" Record it and pass along your blessings.
Books for further reading:
Ethical Wills: Putting Your Values On Paper - By Barry K. Baines, M.D.
So That your Values Live On: Ethical Wills and How to Prepare Them - Edited by Rabbi Jack Riemer and Professor Nathaniel Stampfer
Tuesdays with Morrie: An Old Man, a Young Man and Life's Greatest Lesson - By Mitch Albom
Writen by Mary Rose Remington who is a career counselor and life coach with 25 years of experience. She's also a freelance writer, motivational speaker and author of Career Quest, a Practical and Spiritual Guide To Finding Your Life's Passion.